Love is More Than a 4-Letter Word

I've always known, somewhere in the depths of my soul, that love was more than just really liking something...but I didn't truly understand it until now. Love is more than words; to me, it's the sum of every moment, every word, every action. I feel this every day, but today I was compelled to spell it out. So, sit back and enjoy a little confession of love.

Captain of our dinner cruise -- Captain of my heart

I just got home from 2 weeks on a dream vacation with my sister, and as incredible as it was, nothing compares to Josh. I could only communicate via wifi every few days or so, but without fail, I always turned my phone on to find sweet messages, heartfelt texts, and pictures of the cats (a measure of true love, as far as I'm concerned).

Me: Give him kisses and tell him I love him!
Josh: I tell him every day ❤😻

These gestures alone would be enough to make a girl swoon, but Josh never settles for just enough. I was met at the gates of the airport with a bouquet of flower and the biggest smile I've ever seen! Maybe it was jetlag or weariness from all the travel, but I think the bustle of the airport stopped for a second and there was a collective sigh of admiration for this genuine display of love. 

"There's still something so pure
and heartfelt and emotional
and genuine about a bouquet of flowers." 
Vanessa Diffenbough

But wait, there's more! After walking in the door (and snuggling the cats to our heart's content), I looked around at our spotlessly clean home. Everything sparkled - from the empty sink, to fresh sheets, clean bathrooms, and vacuum lines across the carpet. I must be dreaming, because no one can possibly be this wonderful. And yet, I woke up this morning to the sun barely rising through the window, and there he was on the pillow next to mine.

Please don't  kill me for posting this...
it was too cute not to!

What a wonderful life this is. It's so good to be home.

My Dream Job

As we close our doors on the 2016-2017 school year, I just want to raise a toast to the amazing people I work with, the incredible support I receive, and most of all, the inspiring kiddos that make this my dream job.

First Day of School, 2016

I have so much love for my students, my kids, my school family. We had our ups and downs this year, but not nearly as many downs than ups! I spent a good majority of each day wondering aloud how I was given such an awesome, self-sufficient, hard-working class. And they were kind too! It's like I won the classroom lottery!

One student donated all of his savings to help buy presents for other students. One student FILLED the donation box!

By April, my students could run the classroom without me (allowing me to walk around a give 1:1 attention as needed!). I could interject with amusing stories (well, amusing to me) and reinforce the ideas they were learning. My favorite part about teaching lessons, is when it all clicks and you get an A-HA! moment from one of the kids (or sometimes the adults.)

I laughed so hard everyday at the things these guys would say and do. Some of them had no idea what it felt like to be safe in a classroom where no one would judge them, no one would scold them, no one would punish them for things they couldn't control. (Don't worry, they still had consequences for all those problematic middle school behavior choices!)

What's this? Just a fossilized PB&J we found behind the filing box.
One student walked up and said, "Oh, that's where that went."

When the selective mute becomes the class clown, you know you're doing something right.

When you are able to look at a kid's face as he's angrily spitting hateful words at you, and look past it to not only understand him, but love him more, you know you're doing something that matters.

When the the 6th grader who was in the principal's office everyday, is creating speeches and extra lessons in her FREE TIME as an 8th grader, you know you've found a good home.

To the ones who are moving up to high school: I wish you the best. I hope we have taught you the skills you need to be a successful human being. I hope you always feel supported and know you've got a bunch of crazy ladies cheering you on.

To the ones coming back to us next year: We got a glimpse of how incredible you really are. I am so proud of the progress we've made and I know you're going to continue to amaze me next year.

And most importantly, to the ones who we haven't met yet; the ones that are struggling, the ones that are angry, the ones that feel unwanted and out of place: We are here for you. We will open our classrooms, and our hearts, to you with welcome arms. You're already loved, even if you don't know it yet.

An Open Letter to My Dad

Ok Dad, we both know this is going to make you cry, so go ahead and grab some tissues before you continue...

Got 'em?

Dad/Chuckie/Chuckles,

I have spent years trying to piece together a letter to you, but when it comes down to it, I just want to pick up a ball and our gloves and head outside. It was a staple of my childhood.

Actually, you are the staple of my childhood. From countless field trips to Thursday lunches (that chili and cinnamon roll was ridiculously good, right??). Hours on the couch watching the Mariners, and several more freezing our toes off in Pullman (Go Cougs!).

I love my mom, but I don't think it would surprise anyone to hear that I'm a Daddy's Girl. I can hang with the best of 'em talking baseball and dropping random stats (even erroneous ones like "70% of lead off walks score").

You've shown me how to work hard for what I want. You helped raise me to think for myself and focus on the present. You also taught me important life lessons, such as, how to properly place a needle on a vinyl record. And, a skill that certainly came in handy during college: how to shotgun a beer.

You taught me how to play ball. Not just the mechanics, but what the game really means. How to plan ahead for situations that might come up, and how to manage under pressure.

I remember the first time I was able to throw diagonally across the lawn. It arced...and I received a lesson on the shortest distance from A to B was a straight line. I think there were diagrams in the grass. But that's what I love about you. I speak logic, too. And I appreciate the lessons that I probably complained about in my youth. They're always here with me, and I have to smile when I catch myself passing them on to my students.

So, Dad, here we are on your 65th birthday. You once told me you wished you had drank more beer with your dad while he was still around. I don't think we will ever have that regret. Bottoms up, Chuck. (Haha, get it? Up Chuck?)

Love you always,

Your daughter

All That February Stuff

I've always liked Valentine's Day. The happy couples, the sharing of love, the conversation hearts... Seriously, I used to* make up stories with my box of hearts. (*"used to" refers to last year's box). Anyway, I was looking forward to the day of hearts this year. I bought cute new leggings, cards to send to my friends. I even made an adorable gift to send up to my favorite little dudes in Washington.

Then February 14th arrived. And my Facebook feed was plastered with happy couples and super sweet status updates. I would normally "ooh" and "ahh" and comment on all the love I saw, but this year I felt something different.

I was angry.

I wasn't angry at my friends for being in love. I was angry that I had wasted so much time pushing people away. I was angry that I had chased after men who I knew were not going to get married. I was angry that I let another person's immaturity and selfishness make me feel like I wasn't worthy of his love.

Because I am worth much more than his love. You get in return what you put out into the world, so perhaps being bold is about putting my heart out there where it's vulnerable.

Seasons of Love

RENT was the first musical to enchant my heart. As a teenager, I listened to the Original Broadway Cast recording obsessively, eventually being able to sing the entire soundtrack cover to cover. I fell in love with the music, the story, the characters...lyrics that are deeply moving, harmonies that evoke emotion.

RENT at the Hollywood Pantages Theatre, 2017

This week, I was able to see the musical again at the Hollywood Pantages Theatre. It was beautiful. I listened with my heart this time, knowing the words before they were sung. It's amazing how some art can defy the limits of it's time. This is a story about love. Not a type of love, not a way to love...just love. And I think we could all use a little more of that right now.

"in daylights - in sunsets - in midnights - in cups of coffee

in inches - in miles - in laughter and strife

in five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes

how do you measure a year in the life"

Jonathan Larson

My Big Adventure

I thought that you were my big adventure

But it turns out the adventure was mine

Though my heart was shattered

Pieces were scattered

I rebuilt it all in time

Sunrise, Wood Ranch Parkway

And I didn't know how strong I could be

You broke my heart

But you didn't break me

And I didn't know I could love you even more

For saying goodbye

For closing this door

Sunset, Challenger Park

I opened my eyes after the tears did subside

Oh, how the colors vibrantly shine

I hold my head up high

Face to the sky

For now the time is mine

Sunrise, Wood Ranch Golf Club

And I didn't know how strong I could be

You broke my heart

But you didn't break me

And I didn't know I could love you even more

For saying goodbye

For closing this door

Sunset, Long Canyon Trail

You said goodbye

I opened this door

BOLD.

There was a time I used to sit down and write my New Year's Resolutions. 

I resolve to run more and eat out less. I resolve to organize my house. I resolve to drink fewer vodka sodas. 

We all know how this turned out...basically, I run when I want to, my organizational skills have not improved, and I just drink more whiskey. 

Birthday at PC's, 2016

A few years ago, I decided I would try something new. Instead of making specific goals, I would think about a word that would guide me in the new year. 

2015: ADVENTURE

2016: BRAVE

...

2017: BOLD

I'm not exactly sure what it means for me yet, but I know this year is going to be full of some big decisions and I think a little boldness could go a long way. Cheers to a happy, healthy, wonderful New Year. May this year be full of laughter, love, and peace of mind.

Champagne Toast at Chuy's Simi West, 2017